All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
