I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
