im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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