i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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