Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
