I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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