i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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