Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
