i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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