Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There's always time for handjobs
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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