I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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