You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
