Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
