He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Two words: blizzard sex
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
