I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
