i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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