So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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