I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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