Your tits are I can't wait for
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
