New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
