so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
