is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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