It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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