remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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