i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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