I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
