do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
