Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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