I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize