so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You're like the curious george of whores
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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