he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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