There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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