he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
