he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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