We won't sleep together?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
