I showed him my bush... on skype.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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