Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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