Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
