mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
