i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
