He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
