Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
