so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
