The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
