i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
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