my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
