You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
