great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
