Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
