theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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